friends.only

the cutest kid came in tonight, and he made me smile, and swoon. i wish there had been more to say, but i guess there really wasn't. he was deaf. :(

The newest waitress and I have decide to bond over a 1.75 of vodka and sun at the beach on wednesday. i'm really glad this is the state i live in. to know that these really can be the best days of our lives.

conor oberst impressed, and brian disappointed, so i'll say. on to the next one

sometimes when i'm smoking in the garage, i picture a spider walking down the wall behind me. and every time i look.

I haven't been able to sleep the past two nights, nor have I been able to keep my sanity in my palms. I'm typing this outside, because it feels better than being trapped indoors. At some point we all need to step outside and see the true beauty that surrounds us. No matter where you are.
I find it weird how I can take the smallest perception of me and turn it into the biggest flaw, and then when the people closest to me tell me the opposite I refuse to believe them, I think it has all to much to do with my belief in first impressions. I can't beat myself up over it, it's life and it's what happens. I can't expect everyone to give me this chance, and see past my flaws.

I feel like I've been lacking thoughts in words recently, and I feel like I've lost a part of myself. I guess we all need to go away for a little while. It's funny though how much a song, or a smile, or even just a saying can bring you back. And I like living in memories sometimes, and there's times when I even like missing people. Honestly, I believe distance does make the heart grow fonder, but strictly when you have the intention of seeing them again. It's like you anticipate and build up all this emotion until you see them, and it's wonderful, and exciting, and endearing.

I still have to explain to my mom, why I don't need that week off in mid-July. I don't think it deserves explanation, it just didn't work out the way we hoped. Things will change, the walls that they built up to hold us back, will fall down. I keep thinking about it, and it was a completely ridiculous moment, but totally worth it. I choose to live with regrets, it helps you learn and makes you wiser for next time. I think we all need to be, but I don't regret that. I was feeling something, and then the feeling went away, and I can't explain how my brain chemistry works, or make up some long over thought explanation.

"I'm leaving him anyways." I can't believe I actually heard that line tonight. The only time I've heard that line was in a movie for a cheap one night stand. Sometimes I hear things, and I question the reality of it all.

I guess it's all a big question of reality. And having faith. And learning. And living. And never stopping.

I just want to say with every inch of my being, that I believe in true love, and I believe each and everyone of us deserve it. And I believe if you try, some day you'll find it.

It hurts sometimes to feel this alone, but I look forward to the great things I keep telling myself I have coming.

I feel like I'm walking down the same path i did a year ago. i'm not content with being in this standstill. we're really not that different just a few steps from exploding.

i don't know what else to say. his goal in life was to be an echo

i'm not used to feeling this way. it snuck up on me tonight at mikey's house, and it's not going away. i wish there were a corner in my brain i could tuck away my thoughts and save them for times i want to deal with them. i'd wait until the sun is high, and i'm stuck feeling high off the natural vibes around me. there's so much beauty everywhere, but i want to make a break. run for the hills, or the fields or something. maybe it was that movie, and being reminded of waking up to horses one morning, or something about the way our finger tips always ended up together.

it's okay, it'll be fine. there's other fish in the sea, and you'll find someone else. but what if i don't. look at how many other people end up alone, and just old. i keep waiting for my chance, and nothing's happening, and i never thought i'd say it, but i'd rather just quit believing. i don't want anymore voids, or blank spaces.

i guess it's just the night, and the weather, and the season. i can't help it. can't we just go back to jumping through sprinklers, and worrying about cooties. i just wish i understood.

i didn't know where this was going.
when you kissed me.

okay, so you'll probably laugh at me, but.
here's the deal:

i was running 25 man, Obsidian Sanctum, which is a level 80 raid, and these gloves dropped, that were perfect for me. i rolled a 99 on them, when told to roll. no one rolled higher.

well, then the stupid loot master, ninja-ed them, (along with the rest of the loot, even though he only said to roll for those gloves), AND I GOT PISSED.
and getting pissed made me realize i play to much WoW.

which also made me realize, i need to quit that game.

:)
so i am.
hello real life, here i am again

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